Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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