I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
