1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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