Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
