Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
