Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
