i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
