I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is Oprah even human
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
