So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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