oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
