Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
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