Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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