We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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