chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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