Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
