margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
