wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
