He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
