Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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