what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
