He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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