plz talk dirty to me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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