she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
