I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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