I faked an abortion last night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
