I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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