You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
