I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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