I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
