I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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