Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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