I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
