If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
