Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
