Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
