Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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