So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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