She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
