Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
