I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
