my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
