that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
