I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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