Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
