i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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