I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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