she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
