I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
