I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
barbara walters just said penis...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
