We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
