Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She announced her abortion via fbk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
