Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
