Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
