Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
