i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
