i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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